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[erulissedances]

So, since the computer ate my first post, I'm trying again. *sigh* It did the same thing as I was writing this - I ended up writing it twice. My entry for the Week 3 Prompt - Without You - follows. I hope you read, and I also hope I merit a vote when voting opens.


Without You – An Open Letter to My Husband

I won’t say it’s been an easy road – we’re both stubborn and share a German heritage; you with a bit of Irish thrown into the mix, me with that Austrian and Czech backbone. Anyone looking at us could easily tell that any road we walked on would be filled with curves, detours, potholes and the occasional steep cliff. Those looming cliffs! That’s when we trusted that we would be safely caught at the bottom – and so, we jumped. Did you catch me? Did I catch you? I know I tried, but I’m not sure if I succeeded in all the ways you needed.

I’ve wondered, as we’ve grown older together, if my parents had faced the same issues. Did they fight? Did they talk over, above and around each other, each person trying to get attention for their personal point of view? Or maybe they were calm; weighing the pros and cons of each other’s views, discussing problematic issues or family dramas. Lives shared isn’t a smooth road; problems seem to crop up with regularity. Discussion was probable with my parents – I don’t think I saw my father raise his voice in anger more than ten times through the years I lived with them. But I am also sure that many of the more difficult discussions were held back until after I was asleep, or they were held in a different part of the house.

Your parents, on the other hand … I can easily envision your father losing his temper. He certainly had one, and even if he didn’t exercise it often, it was a finely honed blade of chosen words with just the right tone of anger. Your Mother, as we both know, was a Saint, but even saints have their breaking points. After her stroke she grew more vocal with a strong voice expressing her personal views, objections, and praise. The intense and supportive work that you put in with her during her rehabilitation paid off in so many ways. I was shocked the first time I saw her talk back to your Dad; it was well deserved but knocked everyone for a loop. My mother-in-law was a mouse who grew into a lioness unafraid to roar.

To shift things back to us, we have our times. We can be perfect companions – working towards common goals quietly and with the knowledge that the other person is there to remedy anything left undone. We’ve been a team for … oh my! Can it really be 45 years this September? With all that practice, you would think we had our partnership down to an art. But we don’t. We still hold fast to individual ideas of how things should work and how things should operate at home and at work. There are many times when there’s not a meeting of the minds. We argue, we fight, we turn our backs on each other and sniff – we butt heads. Goat and Bull – it was rather inevitable.

But when I get so frustrated that I think about moving out, choosing a different life, starting over in my old age and living a life without the stress, I stop. I stop because there’s no one else I’d rather grow old with, and because without you, I’d be missing my other half. The air you exhale is the air I inhale; my crazy dreams need your ropes to pull me back to the ground. But you need my love of running alongside clifftop edges to interject some drama and excitement into your life. When we work together, we work very well indeed, when we don’t, it’s cataclysmic. But at the end of it all, I can’t imagine a life without you to share it with. Despite the challenges of our lives together, beneath it all and past everything that’s been said and unsaid, is the foundation we both stand on – love.

Comments

[tinnean]

This is amazing. It's so easy to throw up your hands and walk away, but you're willing to go the distance because you love each other. Thank you so much for posting this. As soon as you give the okay, I'll be voting for it. :-)

[erulissedances]

Thanks SO much. I had a devil of a time getting this up. The computer ate it first, then the posting didn't work properly, frankly I almost gave up ... the fates were saying "keep this behind doors". But that's not me. I'm not a behind the door person at all. I appreciate your VERY kind comments, and will be sure to let you and others know when the voting is open.

- Erulisse (one L)

[erulissedances]

The voting is open, and I would appreciate your vote. Here's the URL

https://therealljidol.dreamwidth.org/1147601.html

- Erulisse (one L)

[shirebound]

This is beautifully written, so insightful, and I'm sure challenging -- and yet satisfying -- to write.

[erulissedances]

Thank you my dear friend. I'll be posting when voting is opened and I hope I merit your vote. Give Pippin a hug from his friend in far away Minnesota.

- Erulisse (one L)

[mollywheezy]

Beautifully written! Your last paragraph could describe my husband and me. We just celebrated our 28th anniversary. Congratulations on almost 45! That's awesome! :)

[erulissedances]

Thanks so much. Marriage isn't easy, and anyone who says it is, is lying BIG time. LOL Congratulations on making it 28 years. That's an accomplishment in itself.

- Erulisse (one L)

[aearwen2]

A successful marriage is never an easy road. Marriage takes WORK - work to balance the needs/wants of the individual for the needs/wants of the "company" (spouses and any kids involved); work to be willing to at least listen to the other party and not, as you mentioned, throw up the hands and walk away permanently in disgust and/or frustration. It is this level of WORK that so many nowadays don't seem to "get", and I suspect it's most likely the reason so many newer marriages end up in divorce.

Good job in describing how to make a marriage work!

[erulissedances]

Thanks so much, my dear friend.

- Erulisse (one L)

[fausts_dream]

This is great. Never had a romantic relationship longer than I wanna say 11 years and my parents divorced when I was two. But I have seen some couples of this length and longer, inspirational to behold.

Many more to you.

[erulissedances]

My parents married in 1918, and were married way past their 50th wedding anniversary. I think Dad figured he won the lottery when he married Mom.

- Erulisse (one L)

[muchtooarrogant]

I really enjoyed this, and appreciate you giving us such a personal view of you and your husband's relationship. My wife and I are similar in many respects, and have our own motto of the personal bond we share, "Together we rock, apart we suck!" LOL You, of course, stated it much more eloquently. :)

Dan

[erulissedances]

Oh, you flatter me. Thank you. We are both stubborn and aren't too great at discussing issues between the two of us. But realistically, there's nobody else I'd rather be with, and he feels the same, even if I drive him to distraction.

- Erulisse (one L)

[reidharriscooper]

I'm jealous.
I know that isn't the praise one seeks... but it was my first thought. Jealously at having found someone and it surviving for so long while knowing how much a struggle that is and that you didn't stay for "reasons" but because you found that person.

[erulissedances]

Oh, thank you. I wish married life was a little easier - too often it feels like paddling upstream with a small paddle, barely avoiding the whirlpools and step falls along the way. I found my person, but I've wondered about my logic and wisdom on occasion. LOL

- Erulisse (one L)

[halfshellvenus]

45 years! You have my husband and I beat. We're only at 36, going back to when we met.

I'm glad you've found the drive to get past the rough spots, always with the same underlying love providing strength and fortitude.

[erulissedances]

I really do think it's because we're just too stubborn to admit defeat - LOL. His German/Scotch/Irish heritage versus my German/Austria heritage - we butt heads often and get grumpy often.

- Erulisse (one L)

[tigrkittn]

I get this so hard. My husband and I have been together for 25 years, and there are times it's like an elaborate dance and other times we trip over each others' feet! But we wake up each day and keep choosing each other. You described the complexity so well!

[erulissedances]

Thanks - and that's so true. There's nothing quick and easy about marriage - it's something that seems to be reinvented with every new day. I appreciate your reading and hope I will merit your vote.

- Erulisse (one L)

[roina_arwen]

I can really relate to this. A lovely letter!

[erulissedances]

Thanks so much for reading and commenting. We're an odd couple - we work in completely opposite ways towards the same goals. It makes for some really rough seas sometimes.

- Erulisse (one L)

[pixiebelle]

I think you captured the complexities of marriage well here.

[erulissedances]

Thanks. I've certainly had practice in those complexities. I suspect I haven't navigated the maze as well as I could have, but I've done my best.

- Erulisse (one L)

[aggienaut]

I hate so much when LJ eats my posts! I've taken to usually writing them as a google doc and cut pasting them into LJ when I finish

[erulissedances]

I actually don't think it was LJ that ate the post, it was my laptop being picky. Fortunately nothing is really gone in the electronic world, and I was able to recapture it from a previously saved version. I had to retype it, but that was minimal effort, all things into play.

- Erulisse (one L)

[n3m3sis43]

What a lovely tribute to your partner and the life you’ve made together.

[erulissedances]

Thanks so much for your kind comments and I appreciate your taking the time to read my current entry. I hope you'll vote for me as well. You just made my evening.

- Erulisse (one L)

[murielle]

What a beautiful tribute to what love really is, all of it, ups and downs, challenges galore, but sticking together anyway. Brava!

[erulissedances]

Thanks, I'm not sure if we stick together from inertia or stubborness, but we're still together - LOL.

- Erulisse (one L)

[rayaso]

Congratulations on 45 years. Ups, downs, and detours, it still is an amazing accomplishment, especially to be able to say "I stop because there’s no one else I’d rather grow old with, and because without you, I’d be missing my other half."

[erulissedances]

Oh thanks, we're two very different people, but somehow we still make it work (most of the time, at least).

- Erulisse (one L)

[xeena]

45 years is amazing, congratulations!

[erulissedances]

We haven't made it quite yet - murder is still an option - LOL.

- Erulisse (one L)

[alycewilson]

I adored the last paragraph of this, about how you breathe in each other's air. So nice!

[erulissedances]

Thanks so much for reading and commenting. I hope you cast a vote for me, I'm in the middle of the pack this time and was hoping I'd be a bit higher *sigh* LOL. *hugs*

- Erulisse (one L)