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Oubaitori – Goal or Anathema? Maybe Both
How often have parents wanted, indeed expected, their children to grow up the way they envision? But, as children do, they simply don’t cooperate, stubbornly remaining individuals with their own goals and abilities.
Even twins – as close as any two people can possibly be, grow up to be individual, different people. While Twin A may embrace graphic art as her outlet, her twin might become a renowned author. Both are creative, but they express their creativity through different outlets.
Despite their differences, however, they are inevitably compared to one another. All siblings, indeed most children, go through the comparison routine. However, it can be worse for twins. Twins are more likely to be pushed into scenarios such as, “Your brother excels in sports, why are you such a klutz?” or, “Your sister has been accepted to Harvard on a full scholarship, why don’t you apply there too?” It’s hard for parents and friends to see twins as two individual people. It’s even harder for identical twins, but who often look like mirror images of each other. It’s hard for parents, but if they step back from their children and look at them through a stranger’s eyes, they might be astonished by what they see.
Of course, truly identical twins share a bond with their sibling that nobody else can imitate or identify with. But is it a leg up? Does it give one child the ability to replace the other? Identical twins I have known sometimes took the place of their twin to take an occasional test at school (if one of them was better at the subject than the other). Other twins had fun switching boyfriends/girlfriends in High School (which usually didn’t turn out well).
The twin bond, however, seems to go so much deeper. It’s been recorded that often after one twin gets pregnant, the other one soon finds herself pregnant as well. It’s not a rule, but it’s been documented. But is that the case with all twins? Are they truly one person split into two? Or are they merely two eggs that just happened to be in the right place at the right time?
If you ask any parent of twins, they will always tell you that their children are different people. Although they might look alike, they have different interests, different attitudes, and different goals. In a society that values individualism, as our “Western” societies claim, isn’t that difference a worthy distinction? Don’t parents attempt to find differences between identical twins as quickly as possible to help them differentiate between their children?
As much as many of us may have wished for a twin, or perhaps just a sibling as we were growing up, would we really have wanted it? In some ways, of course. It would be great to have one person in the world to whom you’re closer than any other person, and twins are that other person. But it is almost impossible to truly give each child in a set of twins an equal amount of time with parents and other siblings.
As twins grow up their interests often diverge. That could make taking each other’s places, or merely planning a long-term life together, even more difficult. For instance, what could happen when one twin embraces the kitchen, aspiring to be a master chef someday, while the other burns toast but wants to be a world-class musician (or a starving artist since food preparation isn’t her gift).
What is important, in any family with children, is to love each child, giving him/her your full attention. Every child will occasionally disappoint their parents and siblings. It’s inevitable. Parenthood requires great patience, allowing each child to develop in their own time, and celebrating the highs while offering support and consolation for the lows. Parenthood requires an advanced degree, but the only school offering that degree is the School of Life. Mistakes will happen, it’s the only guarantee. But parents have a lifetime to both make and to make up for those inevitable mistakes, while celebrating each individual child’s accomplishments and achievements. Parenthood – it’s not for the weak.
How often have parents wanted, indeed expected, their children to grow up the way they envision? But, as children do, they simply don’t cooperate, stubbornly remaining individuals with their own goals and abilities.
Even twins – as close as any two people can possibly be, grow up to be individual, different people. While Twin A may embrace graphic art as her outlet, her twin might become a renowned author. Both are creative, but they express their creativity through different outlets.
Despite their differences, however, they are inevitably compared to one another. All siblings, indeed most children, go through the comparison routine. However, it can be worse for twins. Twins are more likely to be pushed into scenarios such as, “Your brother excels in sports, why are you such a klutz?” or, “Your sister has been accepted to Harvard on a full scholarship, why don’t you apply there too?” It’s hard for parents and friends to see twins as two individual people. It’s even harder for identical twins, but who often look like mirror images of each other. It’s hard for parents, but if they step back from their children and look at them through a stranger’s eyes, they might be astonished by what they see.
Of course, truly identical twins share a bond with their sibling that nobody else can imitate or identify with. But is it a leg up? Does it give one child the ability to replace the other? Identical twins I have known sometimes took the place of their twin to take an occasional test at school (if one of them was better at the subject than the other). Other twins had fun switching boyfriends/girlfriends in High School (which usually didn’t turn out well).
The twin bond, however, seems to go so much deeper. It’s been recorded that often after one twin gets pregnant, the other one soon finds herself pregnant as well. It’s not a rule, but it’s been documented. But is that the case with all twins? Are they truly one person split into two? Or are they merely two eggs that just happened to be in the right place at the right time?
If you ask any parent of twins, they will always tell you that their children are different people. Although they might look alike, they have different interests, different attitudes, and different goals. In a society that values individualism, as our “Western” societies claim, isn’t that difference a worthy distinction? Don’t parents attempt to find differences between identical twins as quickly as possible to help them differentiate between their children?
As much as many of us may have wished for a twin, or perhaps just a sibling as we were growing up, would we really have wanted it? In some ways, of course. It would be great to have one person in the world to whom you’re closer than any other person, and twins are that other person. But it is almost impossible to truly give each child in a set of twins an equal amount of time with parents and other siblings.
As twins grow up their interests often diverge. That could make taking each other’s places, or merely planning a long-term life together, even more difficult. For instance, what could happen when one twin embraces the kitchen, aspiring to be a master chef someday, while the other burns toast but wants to be a world-class musician (or a starving artist since food preparation isn’t her gift).
What is important, in any family with children, is to love each child, giving him/her your full attention. Every child will occasionally disappoint their parents and siblings. It’s inevitable. Parenthood requires great patience, allowing each child to develop in their own time, and celebrating the highs while offering support and consolation for the lows. Parenthood requires an advanced degree, but the only school offering that degree is the School of Life. Mistakes will happen, it’s the only guarantee. But parents have a lifetime to both make and to make up for those inevitable mistakes, while celebrating each individual child’s accomplishments and achievements. Parenthood – it’s not for the weak.
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- Erulisse (one L)