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DIVE IN AND DO IT
It’s rarely pointed out that saying “I do” in front of family and friends isn’t a culmination, or even a high peak after which all will be an easy downhill scenic journey. No, it usually takes months, or even years, to get to the point where two people join their lives together “…for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part”. All too often, though, the ceremony Is considered the penultimate goal; the life following those vows is seen as an afterthought or maybe as an excuse to have children.
But in reality, that’s hardly the case. The marriage ceremony isn’t the finish line, it’s the starting line of a new life – a life shared with another. The road of marriage starts with promises, and those promises are focused on a future barely glimpsed through the trees of challenge. It’s impossible to predict exactly what challenges will be faced, but challenges are inevitable; it’s life.
That pathway stretching in front of the married couple is virgin territory. Every couple needs to find a way to work together as a team, clearing the path in front of them and absorbing the vicissitudes that life is bound to throw at each person. Couples quickly learn the strengths and weaknesses of their partners. After a short time jostling for position, the new couple will settle down into a rhythm and a true partnership. Most of the time.
However, that’s not always the case. Partnerships that are dominated by one person who weds an indifferent, distracted or unfocused partner may never succeed in arriving at the end of their life’s pathways together. Stepping off the shared pathway is easy; but sometimes staying on the track, even when it is faint or filled with dangerous obstacles, is the better goal and harder challenge in anyone’s life.
So why do we keep trying? Why do we continue to commit to walking a barely visible pathway with one other person – jointly committed to arriving at forest’s end as a couple? There are numerous reasons – friendship, love, trust, shared duties and burdens, children, etc. Most of these are duties that have existed in every family, passed down from generation to generation. But partners in marriage aren’t the only long-term partnerships available.
Friendship – best friends, “besties”, can walk the same path as you. With a best friend, you can chat about any topic, and no matter how many years you’ve been friends, there’s always something new to discover – a new corner around which to peek. The roads that friends walk can develop deep ruts over years and years of shared experiences, keeping their friendship solid gold – untarnished and brilliantly shining. The goals of friendship are different than those in a marriage, but there are a lot of similarities as well. There must be consideration for the viewpoints of the other person; an understanding between two people that doesn’t require speech to be present; shared goals and history; and the desire to keep adding to their story year after year. These things and more pulls them together time and again.
Does anyone form a friendship thinking “I’ll want to be friends with this person thirty years from now”? It’s a rare friendship that will exist for that length of time. Friendships, like marriages, start with faint paths stretching ahead, but shared experiences and common ground between friends creates stronger and stronger bonds over time. Friends can become as close as family, or in some cases can even surpass the friendship of family. A friendship like this isn’t something acquired quickly – it’s not the classmate in the history class, the friend with whom you exchanged Spanish grammar books in school, or the pal who saw “Jurassic Park” or “Minions” with you. It’s all those things and more – it’s a shared history. The slight, barely defined pathway of friendship can become scuffed into the earth over time, creating a scar which reminds them that they need that other person to be whole.
Paths in the forest are made by walking. People or animals will search out the easiest way to the freshwater stream, the wild berries, the ridgeline and the next valley. To find these paths, you must look carefully. They’re often just a faint footfall, soon to be gone when the grasses regain their height. But paths, although faint, are still there. It’s not virgin wilderness, it shares itself with other living creatures – 2-footed, 4-footed, or perhaps more. Every creature who has been on this path, no matter who/what they are, has left a mark. By reading those marks carefully, a history can be determined – the history of the area and the path itself.
Walking the paths of others can be an adventure. We’re often looking away from adventure as we age – getting accustomed to the pathways we’ve developed and walking in a rut of our own choices. But one way to stay young and to enjoy new experiences is to walk new paths. Paths don’t have to be a physical step upon the earth. What about starting a new activity? Have you always wanted to learn how to throw a pot or make an item from stained glass? Why not? What’s stopping you from exploring something new? Are you afraid to walk a new path? Or is the thought of allowing another thing into an already overcrowded life stopping you?
I think for many of us, it’s the second thought that stops us; and that’s a shame, because humanity grows through new experiences. If you walk the same path to the waterhole every day, you’ll become so accustomed to it that you might not notice the lion has come over to hunt, and you are possibly on its’ menu. Maybe change can actually be a good thing! An awakening thing. So often we look at change as an upheaval; and it often is both dramatic and challenging. But embracing change is one of those things that allows us to be human.
So, as you begin this day; while you read this small essay on pathways – old or new, four-lane highway or barely noticed footprints in the dirt, think on this. Will you be brave today? Will you allow yourself to expand your personal horizons? Will you think about doing something you have always wanted to do but never had the time/courage/guts to? Why the hell not! Dive in and do it. If it’s a mistake, you’ll grow from that too. But if you don’t try it, you’ll always feel as if you’re lacking something … just something. Won’t you? Dive in, walk the secret pathways and live!
It’s rarely pointed out that saying “I do” in front of family and friends isn’t a culmination, or even a high peak after which all will be an easy downhill scenic journey. No, it usually takes months, or even years, to get to the point where two people join their lives together “…for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part”. All too often, though, the ceremony Is considered the penultimate goal; the life following those vows is seen as an afterthought or maybe as an excuse to have children.
But in reality, that’s hardly the case. The marriage ceremony isn’t the finish line, it’s the starting line of a new life – a life shared with another. The road of marriage starts with promises, and those promises are focused on a future barely glimpsed through the trees of challenge. It’s impossible to predict exactly what challenges will be faced, but challenges are inevitable; it’s life.
That pathway stretching in front of the married couple is virgin territory. Every couple needs to find a way to work together as a team, clearing the path in front of them and absorbing the vicissitudes that life is bound to throw at each person. Couples quickly learn the strengths and weaknesses of their partners. After a short time jostling for position, the new couple will settle down into a rhythm and a true partnership. Most of the time.
However, that’s not always the case. Partnerships that are dominated by one person who weds an indifferent, distracted or unfocused partner may never succeed in arriving at the end of their life’s pathways together. Stepping off the shared pathway is easy; but sometimes staying on the track, even when it is faint or filled with dangerous obstacles, is the better goal and harder challenge in anyone’s life.
So why do we keep trying? Why do we continue to commit to walking a barely visible pathway with one other person – jointly committed to arriving at forest’s end as a couple? There are numerous reasons – friendship, love, trust, shared duties and burdens, children, etc. Most of these are duties that have existed in every family, passed down from generation to generation. But partners in marriage aren’t the only long-term partnerships available.
Friendship – best friends, “besties”, can walk the same path as you. With a best friend, you can chat about any topic, and no matter how many years you’ve been friends, there’s always something new to discover – a new corner around which to peek. The roads that friends walk can develop deep ruts over years and years of shared experiences, keeping their friendship solid gold – untarnished and brilliantly shining. The goals of friendship are different than those in a marriage, but there are a lot of similarities as well. There must be consideration for the viewpoints of the other person; an understanding between two people that doesn’t require speech to be present; shared goals and history; and the desire to keep adding to their story year after year. These things and more pulls them together time and again.
Does anyone form a friendship thinking “I’ll want to be friends with this person thirty years from now”? It’s a rare friendship that will exist for that length of time. Friendships, like marriages, start with faint paths stretching ahead, but shared experiences and common ground between friends creates stronger and stronger bonds over time. Friends can become as close as family, or in some cases can even surpass the friendship of family. A friendship like this isn’t something acquired quickly – it’s not the classmate in the history class, the friend with whom you exchanged Spanish grammar books in school, or the pal who saw “Jurassic Park” or “Minions” with you. It’s all those things and more – it’s a shared history. The slight, barely defined pathway of friendship can become scuffed into the earth over time, creating a scar which reminds them that they need that other person to be whole.
Paths in the forest are made by walking. People or animals will search out the easiest way to the freshwater stream, the wild berries, the ridgeline and the next valley. To find these paths, you must look carefully. They’re often just a faint footfall, soon to be gone when the grasses regain their height. But paths, although faint, are still there. It’s not virgin wilderness, it shares itself with other living creatures – 2-footed, 4-footed, or perhaps more. Every creature who has been on this path, no matter who/what they are, has left a mark. By reading those marks carefully, a history can be determined – the history of the area and the path itself.
Walking the paths of others can be an adventure. We’re often looking away from adventure as we age – getting accustomed to the pathways we’ve developed and walking in a rut of our own choices. But one way to stay young and to enjoy new experiences is to walk new paths. Paths don’t have to be a physical step upon the earth. What about starting a new activity? Have you always wanted to learn how to throw a pot or make an item from stained glass? Why not? What’s stopping you from exploring something new? Are you afraid to walk a new path? Or is the thought of allowing another thing into an already overcrowded life stopping you?
I think for many of us, it’s the second thought that stops us; and that’s a shame, because humanity grows through new experiences. If you walk the same path to the waterhole every day, you’ll become so accustomed to it that you might not notice the lion has come over to hunt, and you are possibly on its’ menu. Maybe change can actually be a good thing! An awakening thing. So often we look at change as an upheaval; and it often is both dramatic and challenging. But embracing change is one of those things that allows us to be human.
So, as you begin this day; while you read this small essay on pathways – old or new, four-lane highway or barely noticed footprints in the dirt, think on this. Will you be brave today? Will you allow yourself to expand your personal horizons? Will you think about doing something you have always wanted to do but never had the time/courage/guts to? Why the hell not! Dive in and do it. If it’s a mistake, you’ll grow from that too. But if you don’t try it, you’ll always feel as if you’re lacking something … just something. Won’t you? Dive in, walk the secret pathways and live!
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Your entry is very inspiring. Thanks for sharing your thoughts
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- Erulisse (one L)
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Dan
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- Erulisse (one L)
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- Erulisse (one L)
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- Erulisse (one L)
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- Erulisse (one L)
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"The slight, barely defined pathway of friendship can become scuffed into the earth over time, creating a scar which reminds them that they need that other person to be whole."
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- Erulisse (one L)
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- Erulisse (one L)
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Nicely explored topic! You did a good job of examining the many paths we all face in life.
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- Erulisse (one L)
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- Erulisse (one L)
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- Erulisse (one L)
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- Erulisse (one L)
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Great, thought provoking piece. Thank you for sharing this.
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- Erulisse (one L)
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- Erulisse (one L)
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I married past 40 and we had dated 10 years before and had at least a nodding acquaintance since HS.
I was an actively drinking alcoholic, so probably nothing would have worked. But my bride had always secretly had bridal magazines under her bed, so for her the wedding itself was a culmination and we never talked about what our married life might look like once we became engaged.
The party was great, as parties mostly are, the three year marriage less so (again, mostly my fault).
I have a few long friendships left of the type you describe and am, for the first time in years, making new ones. It's a joy.
Thanks for the thoughtful entry.
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- Erulisse (one L)
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It makes me think of the Stephen King quote Get busy living or get busy dying!
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- Erulisse (one L)
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- Erulisse (one L)
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What a brilliant take on the prompt. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. 😊
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- Erulisse (one L)
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- Erulisse (one L)
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What a great post, thank you!
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- Erulisse (one L)
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And I have way too many streaming channels right now to watch!
Hugs,helen
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