What is it About People and Haver?

[erulissedances]

What is it about babies that when older people meet them, they begin spouting out the most amazing bunch of gunk ever spoken? “Oh, what a cute baby! Aren’t you, though? Oh yes …” and then the gibberish begins. Words never put into a dictionary flow from the mouth of normally level-headed adult individuals; words that have no definition, that never existed in the English language, and that have no meaning whatsoever.

 

Now, to clarify, there are some words that have no definition outside of their sound. Those words are onomatopoeiatic;  words that are often used and understood by other humans as another way to describe animal or bird sounds. These words such as “bark”, “bleat”, “gobble” and “woof” are meant to describe the sound that the animal makes when it communicates to others. They are part of our lexicon and can be found in most dictionaries.

 

Then there are nonsense words – words that have no definition at all. Nonsense words are sometimes used to help children learn how to read – how to sound out what a word should sound like when it’s viewed in print. There are lesson plans and supplementary materials available to teachers who want/need to examine these farther with their beginning reading students. These words, however nonsensical, still aren’t quite what spouts from the voices of perfectly normal-appearing adults when faced with small children imprisoned in strollers in a public setting.

 

So how does one go about devolving into the sappy stranger faced with a baby in a stroller in a public setting? (1) The person butchering the English language and warping the child for life with nonsense words must be a stranger to the child and its’ family. People who are more familiar to the family usually evolve from this state of interaction quite quickly – often with parental pushing and guidance. (2) The setting is usually a public one – a grocery store, a shopping mall, or a public park, for example. And while in that setting, the parent or responsible adult is doing “walksies” with said baby. (3) The child itself must be in a good mood, and that mood must continue despite the application of ridiculous words from a stranger who is getting FAR too close for comfort.

 

If you are a parent caught in a situation like this; and you are receiving a load of haver from an unknown person directed at the small Mini-Me version of yourself in the stroller, do not despair. The child will not be scarred by this total misapplication of the English language (I say English here because it is my home language, but feel free to substitute your language of choice). In most instances the child will totally ignore the strange person; or upon seeing a stranger, the ‘sweet baby’ will emote a squawk such as would awaken the Gods upon Mount Olympus, thus frightening the well-wisher with poor grammatical skills away and leaving you to apologize to their retreating backs for your baby’s “rude” behavior. Either pathway will lead to the same result. The well-wisher with halitosis and bifocals will be chased away, and you will once again be free to educate your child in proper grammatical usage of common words in your language of choice. Voila – problem solved or resolved.

 

Is this the end of haver in the life of your child? Oh, most certainly not. But the instances of haver will tend to settle in specific people or staged interactions. For example, someone who is very afraid of flying may end up talking non-stop in their seat when all you want to do is put on your headphones and do the latest crossword puzzle. Or a person meeting someone unexpectedly may “gush” words they normally would never say. For instance, a fan of a particular movie, meeting the star of said film on the street, may well waste that opportunity for a meaningful interaction by falling into the trap of babbling.

 

Then we come to the politicians. There must be an unspoken rule in politics that allows a candidate to spout really stupid things, giving incorrect data as factual, slinging mud onto the opposing candidate, or simply lying. Apparently, this type of haver is allowable because we’re getting our fill of it during the current US Presidential election. Yet, there are people who can listen to the words, think that the nonsense is true, and vote accordingly. In fact, politicians rely on that (and the short-term memory problems of the constituency). There’s really no accounting for it, but it happens in every election, from the local level through to the Presidential level.

 

I don’t know about you, but I have an issue having haver spoken to me. I am an adult, a highly educated individual and I’m fully capable of choosing between candidates without hearing a daily dose of nonsense fed to me over the television, through the radio, or in print. I, for one, will be grateful when the election is over. Will I approve of the result? That is still to be determined, and not germane to this argument, therefore my own haver ends right now.

 

Comments

[xeena]

I love babies but I've never in my life done that weird voice when talking to them, hahah. I always wonder what must go through the babies' heads seeing a huge head looming over them talking at an odd pitch!!

[erulissedances]

I'm not fond of babies, and certainly don't effect a different voice when confronted with them. I think having those huge heads is one reason babies burst out crying when confronted by new people - LOL.

- Erulisse (one L)

[xeena]

I think having those huge heads is one reason babies burst out crying when confronted by new people - LOL. But honestly so do I, haha. I have pretty serious megalophobia and I know would hate having a huge head peering down at me and talking at a shrill pitch! I can only imagine how bewildered they are. Come to think of it, I've always been v good with babies and they never cry when I hold them and the fact that I don't jumpscare them is probably one reason, lol!